Is it Defiance or something more?
Each child is an individual with a unique personality and identity. Children are naturally curious, constantly exploring their environment, and learning how to interact with their environment to get their needs met. Although their adorable behaviour can sometimes be challenging, it is important to understand that certain instances of defiant behaviour can stem from the child's desire to be autonomous, to be heard, and to have their own opinion validated. With this in mind, this essay will explore why children are defiant, in order to better understand how to help children manage their behaviour in positive and constructive ways.
Defiance in children can be a difficult behaviour to manage, but understanding why it occurs can help parents and caregivers develop effective strategies for responding. According to RA Barkley (2013), the underlying cause of defiance in children is often a desire to gain autonomy and establish a sense of control. He argues that when children feel powerless, they are more likely to act out in defiance. Therefore, the best way to respond is to recognize the underlying motivation and provide ways for the child to gain autonomy and a sense of control. For example, parents can give children choices and allow them to make decisions within limits, such as allowing them to choose between two acceptable activities or outfits. They can also provide opportunities for children to practice problem-solving and decision-making. In addition, parents should avoid punishing defiant behavior, as this can lead to further defiance and resentment. Instead, they should focus on providing positive reinforcement for positive behaviours and redirecting defiant behaviour in a constructive manner. Understanding and responding to children's defiance can have many positive benefits, such as improved communication, better behaviour, and increased self-esteem.
In recent years, technology has become an increasingly integral part of children’s lives, with many parents and guardians wondering if the use of technology has a positive or negative impact on children’s behaviour. A study conducted by the Child Development Institute in 2011 sought to determine the effects of limiting technology use on conduct problems. The study found that children who had limited technology use showed fewer defiant behaviours than those who had regular access to technology (Conduct Problems Prevention Research…, 2011). This suggests that limiting the amount of technology children are exposed to can have a significant impact on their behaviour. Additionally, limiting technology use can also provide an opportunity for children to engage in more physical activities, which can positively impact their overall development. More research is needed to determine the exact effects of technology use on children’s behaviour, but the findings from this study suggest that limiting technology use can be beneficial for children in terms of behaviour and development.
Parental expectations are known to have a significant impact on a child's behaviour, particularly when it comes to defiant behaviour. According to a study conducted by Al Shuman and JP Shapiro in 2002, parents with higher expectations for their children are more likely to experience higher levels of defiance from their children. The study found that when parents set expectations for their children that are not achievable, it can lead to increased levels of defiant behavior, such as arguing and defiance of authority figures. Furthermore, when parents set unrealistic expectations for their children, it can lead to feelings of failure, which can further increase levels of defiant behavior. The study also found that when parents are inconsistent in their expectations for their children, it can lead to increased levels of defiant behavior as well. These findings suggest that parental expectations play an important role in a child's behavior, and that parents should be mindful of their expectations when raising their children. Understanding the effects of parental expectations on a child's behaviour can help parents to make more informed decisions when it comes to setting expectations for their children. (Shuman & Shapiro, 2002).
In conclusion, children may display defiance as a way to express themselves or because they lack the skills necessary to channel their behaviours into more productive coping strategies. Such behaviours may occur as a result of emotions, stress, physical and mental health issues, or underlying learning disorders. Understanding why children may be defiant is key to helping them develop the tools they need to learn from difficult experiences, communicate their needs and desires effectively, and build a foundation for healthy development.
Managing defiance in your child can be difficult and often occurs around rules, chores or other expectations. Sometimes it can be difficult to know where to start and what is actually helping.
Here are some great ways that can help you as a parent, manage your child’s defiance:
Manage and Communicate Expectations: Make your rules or chores age-appropriate and try to take time to explain them thoughtfully and thoroughly to your child. When a child feels overwhelmed, it is harder to try to complete a chore or task. By breaking it down into smaller jobs, the child can better understand what needs to be done and what you expect of them.
Look at the Base of the Behaviour: By keeping track of your child’s defiance and looking at if there were any causes or triggers, you can help to identify ways you can adjust the situation to help your child be less likely to oppose you.
Be flexible: When the situation allows, try to work with your child’s triggers and adjust the circumstances. Compromises can allow your child to feel in control of the smaller things while you can maintain boundaries on more important items.
Be the Role Model: We all have bad days – and so will your child. By showing them how to handle difficult situations, emotions while remaining calm and loving your children can see in live time how they can manage themselves.
Consistent and Firm Rules: For the rules or expectations that are a hard no, communicate them and be sure to enforce them right away while sticking to the consequences that you have set out.
If you or someone you know are struggling with defiance or difficult childhood behaviours, please reach out to us! We’re happy to book a FREE consultation to discuss what’s going on.
References
Chung A. (2020, May 3) Effective Ways to Handle Defiant Children. https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-handle-defiant-children-620106
Huebner, D. (2008) What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A kid’s guide to overcoming problems with anger. Imagination Press.
RA Barkley."Defiant children: A clinician's manual for assessment and parent training."https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=XbZzrNOSZZYC&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=The+Benefits+of+Understanding+and+Responding+to+Children%27s+Defiance.&ots=o9jytJrAdH&sig=mY7UEtegrvTQeUNhJqGUM3r6Qg4
"The effects of the Fast Track preventive intervention on the development of conduct disorder across childhood."https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01558.x
"The effects of preparing parents for child psychotherapy on accuracy of expectations and treatment attendance."https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1013908629870