Emotional Dumping - Why is it harmful?
Have you ever been in a situation where a friend or family member dumped all of their stress onto you, without first gaining consent or checking-in to see if you had the capacity to support them? Did you feel like this “dumping” of emotions was demanding and as though this person just wanted to vent at you as opposed to with you? Well, if you’ve ever experienced this then you might agree that it would be appropriate to call this “emotional dumping”.
Difference between emotional dumping and venting
Venting can be a really constructive, beneficial element as it allows us to get things off of our chest and be reflective on an adverse situation. It is typically open to feedback and doesn’t impose on the listener's emotional state. Emotional dumping, however, is considered the toxic form of venting. This “dumping” typically doesn’t consider the listener’s emotional state, capacity for exposure to the issue, or receive feedback very well. It also doesn’t necessarily make the person feel better as it may risk escalation and re-traumatization. Emotional dumping is defensive, lacking responsibility, not open to solutions, and more. It can really impact the listener and leave them feeling exhausted, frustrated, and stressed.
What should you do if you’re being emotionally dumped on?
If able, definitely tell the person that this interaction is not helpful and takes more space than you’re currently able to provide. You could say something like, “I understand that this issue is making you upset, but I don’t have the capacity or space for this right now. I can sit here with you, though, while you silently reflect on your thoughts or feelings”. Setting boundaries ensures that your needs and energy are reserved and not taken advantage of, and requires frequent consideration for your personal wellbeing! Consider that the person may not even know that they’re emotionally dumping on you - making them aware of the issue can open a dialogue for change.
If setting boundaries feels uncomfortable, you can also practice breathing exercises to manage any negative feelings (such as anxiety) that arise as a result of the emotional dumping. Then, devote some time to your personal self-care strategies (such as exercising, reading a book, grounding techniques, watching your favourite TV show, etc.) to try and regain some of that lost energy.
Are you an emotional dumper?
If you were reading this and thought, “Oh no, I emotionally dump sometimes!”, take a deep breath and invite self-forgiveness. Intense emotions on a topic can be really hard work and result in unintentional emotional dumping - learning how to properly vent will help you leave that interaction feeling much better. Start off by asking others if they have the time or capacity to listen to you right now. This ensures they have the opportunity to be authentic and say “no” if needed. Then, consider if you’re personally in the space to receive feedback and contribute to a two-way discussion (as opposed to a one-way). If not, it may be best to revisit once you can partake in an equal conversation where solutions and feelings can be explored constructively.
References
Sloan, E. (2022, July 30). How to deal with a friend's emotional dumping. Well+Good. https://www.wellandgood.com/emotional-dumping/
Smith-Grove, A. (2021, November 6). Venting vs. emotional dumping: What's the difference? Dr. Robert Kiltz. https://www.doctorkiltz.com/venting-emotional-dumping/