Self-Compassion
Have you ever caught yourself saying critical words to yourself? You might have felt a sense of shame, tension throughout your body, or worthless. We are our greatest critics, and we can often treat ourselves worse than how we would treat loved ones. Self-compassion can be used to tame the inner critic and enhance self-belief to prevent adverse symptoms related to anxiety, depression, and self-esteem. We will explore the components of self-compassion, its benefits and misconceptions, and strategies to help cultivate self-compassion in our daily lives.
Self-compassion can be defined as being kind and non-judgemental toward your failures and concerns. For example, viewing failing a test as an opportunity for growth rather than internalizing it and saying, “I am a failure.” While self-compassion has existed for many years, it is a recent addition to psychology. Dr. Kristin Neff was the first to define and measure self-compassion, which helps boost individuals’ kindness toward themselves. Kristin separated self-compassion into three components:
Self-Kindness Versus Self-Judgement – Being comforting toward your suffering.
Common Humanity Versus Isolation – Recognizing suffering is a universal experience.
Mindfulness Versus Over-Identification – Gaining awareness of your suffering.
It is common to judge yourself for the suffering you are going through and resort to isolating yourself and internalizing those struggles impacting your self-image and worth. Self-compassion helps support, generalize, and become aware of the suffering to reduce the adverse impacts on your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.
Benefits of Self-Compassion
Reduces inferiority by noticing the unity of suffering.
Improves anxious and depressive symptoms.
Increases motivation to engage in self-care practices, which can improve well-being.
Strengthens emotion regulation skills by embracing adverse situations.
Improves interpersonal relationship skills through improved connection and optimism.
Misconceptions of Self-Compassion
It is selfish and a form of self-pity that hinders drive and motivation and leaves you feeling less accountable.
There is a belief that self-criticism is the only way to stay motivated. However, self-compassion can be more effective than self-criticism to increase motivation. For example, if you had a tough day at work where everything went wrong. Instead of being critical of yourself, you recognize that even the best employees have bad days and that there are strategies that can help improve the next day, such as reaching out to a supervisor, engaging in self-care strategies, or debriefing with a co-worker.
Strategies to Cultivate Self-Compassion
Cultivating self-compassion can be achieved on your own or with the help of a therapist. Therapists are well practiced in fostering self-compassion within themselves to be present, confident in the strategies used, and limit the risk of vicarious trauma, compassion fatigue, and burnout. Some strategies include engaging in a self-compassion break meditation, writing a letter to yourself from the lens of a loved one, or using self-care strategies to improve well-being. Visit this link to review specific self-compassion practices you can complete independently or bring to the session to practice with your therapist. Additionally, if you wish to learn more about self-compassion from Dr. Kristin Neff, visit this link that leads you to her incredible TEDx Talk explaining the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem.
If you wish to cultivate self-compassion with the help of a therapist at Changing Tides Counselling, please visit this link to book a free consultation and learn more about which therapist would be the best fit for you!
References
Greater Good Science Centre. (2014, October 16). Kristin Neff: The three components of self-compassion. YouTube. Retrieved November 6, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11U0h0DPu7k&t=159s
Latorre, C., Leppma, M., Platt, L. F., Shook, N., & Daniels, J. (2023). The relationship between mindfulness and self-compassion for self-assessed competency and self-efficacy of psychologists-in-training. Training and Education in Professional Psychology, 17(2), 213–220. https://doi.org/10.1037/tep0000395
Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self & Identity, 2(2), 85. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032
Neff, K. D., & Vonk, R. (2009). Self-compassion versus global self-esteem: Two different ways of relating to oneself. Journal of Personality, 77(1), 23–50.
Pastore, O. L., Brett, B., & Fortier, M. S. (2023). Self-compassion and happiness: Exploring the influence of the subcomponents of self-compassion on happiness and vice versa. Psychological Reports, 126(5), 2191–2211. https://doi.org/10.1177/00332941221084902
Pastore, O., & Fortier, M. (2020). Understanding the link between motivational interviewing and self-compassion. Canadian Journal of Counselling & Psychotherapy, 54(4), 846–860. https://doi.org/10.47634/cjcp.v54i4.69827
Quaglia, J. T., Cigrand, C., & Sallmann, H. (2022). Caring for you, me, and us: The lived experience of compassion in counselors. Psychotherapy, 59(3), 321–331. https://doi.org/10.1037/pst0000412