What is your EQ?
Does anyone else find it odd that emotional intelligence (EQ) was not really taught to us in grade school? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the curriculum may have explained the basics of core emotions and how to identify feelings. However, if your parents did not teach you how to self-regulate, did not validate your feelings, or simply did not raise you to learn how to cope in healthy ways, how would you know this skill as adults? It is important to note that times have changed, and the topic of mental health has become less stigmatized and is receiving an abundance of attention today.
According to Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Melinda Smith, M.A., Lawrence Robinson, and Jennifer Shubin, emotional intelligence (otherwise known as emotional quotient or EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict.
As children, we are taught to take care of our physical selves through healthy eating, exercise, and proper hygiene. We learn behaviour norms and develop cultural beliefs and personal values. Thinking, feeling and communication are central to the human experience, so it is shocking this interpersonal topic is not addressed more in childhood and our education system.
Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:
Self-management – The ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviours, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
Self-awareness – Recognizing your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviour. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses and have self-confidence.
Social awareness – Having empathy and understanding the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
Relationship management – Knowing how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.
EQ affects your performance at school or work, your physical and mental health, your relationships, and your social intelligence. Attending therapy on a regular basis can help you to further develop your own emotional intelligence. This skill can allow you to improve relationships, gain self-esteem and confidence when dealing with daily life stressors and conflict.
Ongoing psychoeducation provides the knowledge and guidance you can easily learn and apply in your own life.