A Therapist’s Take on Mental Health Over COVID-19
Hi everyone,
My name is Nichole Caswell. I’m the owner and founder of Changing Tides Counselling. I’ve worked in the mental health field for well over 10 years. I started my professional journey at a community mental health organization (ROCK in Halton) that supports children and families.
From there, I decided I wanted a little more control over my life. So, I started Changing Tides Counselling. I’ve been doing the private practice thing for over 4 years now. I love every second of it. I am so appreciative of those clients who allow me an insider’s view into their lives.
While I specialize in working with children and adolescents, I also work with adults, couples and families. I’m always happy to set up a telephone consultation to see if I’m the right fit for you.
… Now, let’s get a little personal, eh … cause that’s a little more intriguing :)
I’m a single mom and have been since my daughter was little. My daughter (Makayla), who will be 12 this year, is my main focus outside the hours I spend with clients. While COVID has definitely impacted the number of things we do together (like travel!), we still have a few things we enjoy (time outside, crafting, and the never ending Netflix binging watching, etc). And after years of my daughter asking, we’ve finally added to our family … with a puppy named Nala. So, our household consists of my daughter and our two dogs (Luka and Nala) and me!
COVID has been a challenging time for all. I’ve felt it too. Doing anything that requires effort seems impossible at times. On top of all the stress around COVID, I ended a long-term relationship. Sadness, grief, loss, shame (all those fun ones) we’re felt at such a dysregulating level. Everything felt hard. It felt like those feelings would never end; that they’d never go away; that I wouldn’t recover from them.
Pretty bleak, I know!
However, these thoughts and feelings did not last forever. Buckling down and focusing on myself, through the help of family and friends, as well as my own therapist (who I saw twice weekly some weeks), I started to see some changes. Small at first, but changes nonetheless. As time goes on, I’m learning more and more about myself, which, as a side note, is something I don’t think we ever fully complete.
So what have I learned over the pandemic?
There’s always more to learn. I’ve been working on strengthening the relationships that bring positivity to my life and trying hard to forgive myself for staying in a relationship for long that clearly wasn’t working. I have learned so much from this experience:
I know my worth. Hands down. I am worthy; I am important; and I am good enough (same thing I say to everyone who walks through my door).
Being in a bad relationship is worse than being on my own. Being alone is hard, yes, but it’s far worse being in a relationship that creates an ongoing negative cycle that cannot be broken.
Social support IS EVERYTHING! Our distressing emotions often tell us to withdraw, to isolate and/or to avoid. I learned to do the opposite; to reach out to my wonderful network when I was struggling. Doing this flipped a switch for me. As I was able to confide in my friends and name what I was struggling with, they were able to validate my feelings and express compassion and understanding to me (shout out to my amazing network out there!)
As much as I knew all of these things (and talk to clients about them everyday), it wasn’t until I accessed my own therapy that I sat with these more. That’s what sitting with your emotions does. My therapist helped guide me, helped bring me there. She validated and listened to me and encouraged me to do the same thing. Now, I can bring this to my work even more so. I’ve always tried to be the guide and support for my clients. Now, having been on the other side of the couch, I can truly appreciate the courage and vulnerability it takes to start therapy. Is it easy, no, but it’s so darn rewarding that's for sure!
Alas, more things for me to sit with. I’m a firm believer in sitting with emotions; of giving yourself time and space to heal. So, that’s just what I’m doing and, to be honest, I’m becoming more and more comfortable and am more settled with who I am now as a person than I ever have been.
Therapists are people too. We have good and bad days. I know what it’s like to struggle and I want to be here to support you (or your friend/family member) when you struggle too.
So, all this to say … I’ve sat and cried on a couch; I’ve not wanted to go to my session; I’ve booked more than one session a week; I’ve wanted to hangout with my therapist outside of session; I’ve been disappointed in the treatment.
ALL. THESE. THINGS. ARE. NORMAL.
As much as I appreciate the vulnerability that everyone brings to an appointment, I feel it even more now. I feel like I can draw on my empathy, validation and understanding even more now. The saying “to walk a mile in someone else's shoes” means before judging someone, you must understand their experiences, challenges, thought processes, etc. In effect, it is a reminder to practice empathy. So, ya, I’m doing that even more now :)
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